Every Day.

There have been a number of different occasions where I have thought about writing another entry, even began composing them in my head, but it just never seems to happen. Today is different. I haven't really given any forethought to this; I just felt the need to write. I don't even know the purpose of this entire blog of mine... not even sure if there needs to be one. Am I catering to the few readers out there, or to me.

Every day? Each day is hard for me at the moment. Each day is a trial for most people I have no doubt. How hard is too hard? Maybe if I write a little bit down each day it won’t seem so hard. I have a wonderful family, amazing friends, and an incredible Christian support network. Sometimes though, it seems like most of these people are on the other side of the world... and sometimes the ones I need to talk with just are on the other side of the world. Perhaps if I write a little, The Hard won’t build up too much.

Yesterday I broke a little. I feel like saying the God broke me a little, but I don't know how true or fair that is. Either way, it was terrible and wonderful.

It's times like this I wish I was good wit' de words.

I felt so battered, scared, lost... like a little lonely sailor in a dingy (paddle boat?) during a storm on the ocean. That's me trying to be poetic... instead I feel like a bit of a poser. And now I feel as though I am making light of a tough situation... bahh

God has been getting further and further away from me in the past couple of months. But yesterday I became so overwhelmed with a sense of helplessness that I finally bending a little and humbled myself to God. I prayed. I asked for prayer. I prayed and believed it. And was liberated.

God broke me. Broke me from bad habits and manners of thought.

So now I write.

Hopefully this will continue to become an almost daily habit. Along with another habit I intend to develop. But maybe I will save that idea for tomorrow... there needs to be something to motivate me not to give up after day one.